FAQ

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As an Uber driver, I encounter many different people each month, and for the most part, each person asks some sort of variation of the following questions.

1) How long have you been driving for Uber?

Since right now, you’re my first ride.

2) Do you like driving for Uber?

It’s okay, I  really don’t mind it. Besides its the only job I could get after they released me from the institution.

3) Do you do have another job besides driving for Uber?

Everyone wants to know the answer to this question. Yes, I pee on people for money.

4) Do you make good money?

Nope. I just like secretly recording passengers with hidden cameras, but not for YouTube.

5) Where are you from?

It was a place in a time before the great catastrophe that occurred on this planet and the other seventy-five planets which formed the Galactic Confederacy seventy-five million years ago. It has since that time been a desert, and there has been a handful who have tried to push it’s technology up to a level where someone might adventure forward, penetrate the catastrophe, and undo it. 

6) Have you ever been in a dangerous situation?

There was this one time I picked up a one armed little person in high heels and panties only—but I’d rather not talk about it.

7) Are these snacks for free?

Only if you follow my blog, my Twitter, and like my Facebook page, otherwise them bitches is five bones a pop son.

8) What’s the farthest you’ve ever gone?

I once dropped off at passenger at the Lone Pine Mall in Hill Valley.

9) Can I smoke in your car?

Only if it is crack or meth.

10) Does anyone ever tip you?

Sometimes, usually by passengers who work in the service industry. One guy even promised to give me the tip, but he bailed before making good on his offer.

This isn’t too frequent of a question, but I find it funny that the ones that ask, never tip.