The back doors opened and laughter poured in accompanied by the typical greeting, but she killed the moment with—
“Did someone pee in your car?”
I stopped confused.
“What? Does it smell like pee back there?”
“No, she just likes to mess with the Uber drivers,” her date injected.
Boozed breathes flooded the front seats and the couple in back sounded like they had a good time.
She informed me that the man sitting next to her had given her a URI and apologized for coughing all over my backseat. She made a point to bring it up continuously throughout the thirty minute ride.
She asked me all kinds of questions which took the conversation all over the place. I made the mistake of mentioning this blog.
From then on, it had become a challenge for her to secure a place on this site. She was funny and very well spoken mixed with mildly obscene humor and a potty mouth. She was quick and witty. Every few moments she would ask—
“Will that make it onto your blog?”
It became a bit of a punchline for her, and we all laughed each time. We carried a fun conversation the entire ride.
“Has anyone ever fucked in your car before?”
Caught off guard, all I could do was laugh.
“So, what do you think we’re going to do after you drop us off…besides drink more?”
I looked up into the rear view mirror confused again?
“Nope,” she said.
I was mildly uncomfortable, as I’m sure was her intention.
She laughed at my expression. “What did he say?” she trailed off. “You mean fuck?”
“That’s disgusting, he’s my brother!”
She set me up perfectly. The conversation continued and we all joked and laughed.
“You want to prank call someone?” she blurted out. “We’ve be prank calling people all night.”
I dismissed the offer and laughed at the idea, but she was persistent.
“I promise I won’t pee in your car if you give me a phone number.”
Fuck it, I thought. I gave her the number to my best friend and she quickly and happily dialed it into her phone. She left it on speaker and told us men to keep quiet.
“Hi, is ****** there?” she said in a deep raspy voice that reminded me of something Jim Carrey did in the In Living Color days.
“This is him.”
She went on for a bit confirming she was talking to the right person, and it was obvious that he was confused and put off by the weird voice yelling at him over the phone.
“Who’s this?” he asked calmly.
“The kids yours ***!” she yelled before he hung up.
She called him back once more and kept spouting about his new offspring, but he didn’t stay on the phone very long before hanging up again.
“Will that make it on your blog?”